Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
