I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Buhtt sex?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
