She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
