meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
