Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
