I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
