I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize