listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
