Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
