I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
false alarm, still single
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