I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
