Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
