Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
