there's paper in my vomit.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
