Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He better not be in your backpack
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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