I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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