i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
A+ Viking dick
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
