Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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