i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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