I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
