i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He felt like a one man threesome
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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