I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
