i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
