I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
