I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
