he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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