yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
