You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize