pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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