it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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