but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
