did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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