No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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