I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
