I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
