I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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