found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
