Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
