I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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