sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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