I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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