Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
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