I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
