remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
