John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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