He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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