I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
