it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
