I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
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No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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