i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
