Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
