matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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