your room smells of hookers.
And success
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
