does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
