remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
