i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
