shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
