I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize