im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
