my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.