do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Holy sore nipples Batman
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.