babies were throwing up all over the place
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms