I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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