I can text with my tongue
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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