I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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