you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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