god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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