and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
